Just please know that I want you to be more than a memory, more than the wasted wish on my twenty first birthday cake.
April 2010
RIP Maggie Stocklin, aka the EL troll on my fake id haha.
I’m 21!
If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells
and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.
Thinking of the greatest girl I know. Making myself embrace my faith. She will be okay, she has to be.
I need you to stop being fucking retarded and be my boyfriend again ok? Just knock it off. You’re an idiot but I dealt, now stop and come back to me. I miss you.
Maybe I was too pale
Maybe I was too fat
Maybe you had better
Better luck in the sack
No formal education
And I swore way too much
But I swear
You didn’t fucking care
Katy Perry, I’m still Breathing.
If you knew the way I’ve been self-medicating, prescribing myself the darkest sleeps with triple doses and finding my place back once again at the bottom of a bottle. If my mother knew, if you knew. I’ve got it all in this blood, these genes I wear so well; the tragedy and addiction and self-infliction. I am falling once again. This is not who I am supposed to be. There are pages I find folded with grace in boxes beneath my bed, my potential indented in the words I wrote at seventeen and thought would be my saving grace. I wanted to tell the stories of the world. Too smart to think I’m not smart. I am floundering it all. I am lost and alone and have been left to drown here in the flood you started when you broke down all my damns.
“‘Happy,’ I muttered, trying to pin the word down. But it is one of those words, like Love, that I never quite understood. Most people who deal in words don’t have much faith in them and I am no exception—especially the big ones like Happy and Love and Honest and Strong. They are too elusive and far too relative when you compare them to sharp, mean little words like Punk and Cheap and Phony. I feel at home with these, because they’re scrawny and easy to pin, but the big ones are tough and it takes either a priest or a fool to use them with any confidence.”
—
Hunter S. Thompson
(Submitted by: christinakim)
(via quote-book)
I was smart enough to know, dumb enough to listen to everyone else.
Consider my heart disintegrated.
